SuperVegan’s new slogan
Today, SuperVegan blogger “Brownbird” Rudy “Relic” posted an excerpt from SuperVegan’s upcoming interview in Time Out New York. In it, Rudy complains about the “animal rights BS” that pervades the vegan community. We want to assure our readers that this interview was done without SuperVegan’s knowledge or permission, and that we don’t approve of anything contained within it. (Also, we know that honey isn’t vegan.)
We’ve read your angry emails and comments, and we want you to know that we understand and agree. To that end, we are using this post to publicly announce that “Brownbird” Rudy “Relic” will no longer be writing for SuperVegan. We are simply fed up with his incessantly frivolous blog posts, not to mention his obscenely unhealthy artery-clogging recipes. And we’re pretty sure that whatever gunk he puts in his hair can’t be vegan.
Furthermore, we recognize that Rudy isn’t the only culprit, and that this culture of frivolity has degraded SuperVegan for years. Therefore, within the coming weeks, we will be conducting training sessions with the rest of our staff, under the leadership of noted activist Bevin Cass-Campbell. Hopefully most of our bloggers can adapt, but we won’t rule out replacing them with writers who focus on serious issues. Veganism isn’t supposed to be fun. Animals are fucking dying out there and humor has no place in helping us cope with that.
We are also instituting several changes of policy that will further this end:
- Our restaurant guide will be updated to exclude any restaurant that uses or has used any animal product at all, in any dish, ever. We support 100% vegan restaurants only, and we expect our readers to do the same.
- SuperVegan will only be discussing food that is fat-free, low sodium, low calorie, trans-fat free, organic, local, sustainably-produced, and, of course, created in a vegan factory by workers who are vegan.
- We are canceling our sponsorship of Vegan Drinks unless they can change it to an event in which alcohol is not available; perhaps move it from a bar to a vegan restaurant or a gathering place where pot luck dishes are available or vegan organic meals are shared or sold. Since many vegans become vegans for (among other reasons) health reasons, those who choose not to pollute their livers with alcohol will feel more welcome and inclined to participate.
- We will also begin a weekly feature calling out notable “vegans” who are Doing It Wrong. Have you ever had a sip of wine without verifying that it was isinglass-free? Have you ever worn an old sweater made of wool? Have you ever eaten in an omni restaurant with a non-vegan friend? Have you ever sat in a leather seat in a car or airplane? Be afraid: We’re going to find you out. You’re ruining the movement for the rest of us. Our community has got to stick together.
- To remind our readers why such a strict approach is necessary, we will begin regularly posting videos of graphic animal suffering in slaughterhouses and fur farms. Frankly, if you don’t cry yourself to sleep every night, you’re not vegan enough for us.
- And finally, we will also of course cease the thoroughly frivolous practice of posting prank blog entries every April 1.