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Category Archive: April Fools

Here are all the SuperVegan blog posts categorized under April Fools. XML

  1. This is an April Fools post. It isn’t true.

    The Feline Rescue Alliance of Williamsburg (FeRAW) is holding a cat fight adoption event soon, in the empty lot near Foodswings restaurant at Grand and Roebling. (The event was originally scheduled for today, but is being rescheduled because it was accidentally double-booked with an Alley Cat bike race.)

    Like most shelters, FeRAW has more animals than they can find homes for, and inevitably some cats must be euthanized. The idea behind the event is to pair cats in one-on-one fights in a chicken-wire enclosed ring. Priority for adoption will be given to the winners. As it’s the first time the event has occurred, scheduling is difficult to predict; thus there’s a possibility of a battle royale finale so that all cats have a chance to participate. The shelter will hold off spaying and neutering cats until after they’ve fought, as altering makes them less aggressive. FeRAW spokesperson Bevin Cass-Campbell stated “Williamsburg and Bushwick are home to huge numbers of wandering, disheveled, dirty creatures with mangy hair. We’re hoping more of them can be encouraged to adopt stray cats.”

    There will of course be gambling on the fights (and completely legal, as FeRAW is a charity). A cut of the money will go to FeRAW. “Operating expenses are hard to come by. We can’t all support ourselves via prostitution rings like PETA does,” said Cass-Campbell. Foodswings will be selling snacks at the event and has applied for a special-event beer license for the day. “Honestly I can’t imagine a better reason to party, or a better way to help local animals,” says FoodSwings’s Freedom Tripodi. I agree that this is a wonderful and creative way to raise awareness and find homes for the homeless. We’ll keep you posted on details.

  2. Obama and Kucinich, American Heroes

    Obama and Kucinich, American Heroes

    This is an April Fools post. It isn’t true.

    In a speech this afternoon in Altoona, Pennsylvania, Senator Barack Obama made a groundbreaking announcement:

    I have long been an advocate of the less fortunate among us, of those who life has handed a crooked deck, the short end of the stick, an unfair deal. There are no Americans for who this is more true than the populations of our feedlots and industrial farms. It is time to end the exploitation of farmed animals on American soil. It is time to give up hamburgers as we have given up slave-holding. It is time for us to end our dependence on milkshakes as we must end our dependence on foreign oil. It is time to acknowledge that the fishing industry does damage to our oceans far beyond that of emissions from our coal burning power plants. I invite all Americans to join me in a bright future free of cruelty and exploitation, free of the blood of innocents killed only for our pleasure.

    While details of his animal liberation agenda were vague, he obviously doesn’t lack conviction. When questioned directly by a reporter after the speech, Obama stated “Yes, I am now a vegan. From a personal perspective, it doesn’t hurt that people of African descent are invariably lactose intolerant.”

    Longtime vegan and perennial presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich was supportive, saying “It’s wonderful to see a young politician like Barack taking a stand on such an important, under-discussed issue.” Democratic National Committee chairman Howard Dean was less enthusiastic: “While we support Mr. Obama’s right to stand up for his principles, this decision takes him so far away from mainstream American belief that it’s difficult to regard his candidacy as viable. The corn and soy lobby think they’ve pulled off a coup here, but he’s just lost his Super Delegates.” (It’s worth noting that the Vermont dairy lobby is especially strong.)

    Personally, I’m torn. I’m thrilled that Obama’s gone vegan, but I can’t help wishing he’d won the presidency first. The only way this won’t hurt his campaign is if Hillary Clinton declares herself an atheist and John McCain comes out as gay.

  3. This is an April Fools post. It isn’t true.

    I never thought I would write this. SuperVegan co-founder Olivia Lane is no longer vegan. Olivia and I have been friends for years, and without her, SuperVegan would likely have never come to exist. I’m sad and I’m angry. Olivia had tremendous spirit, dedication, and enthusiasm for all things vegan. No more.

    This morning, Olivia and I, along with her girlfriend, Jessica Valdez, attended the Post Punk Kitchen brunch at Vox Pop. We were running late and just missed the burritos, but enjoyed some tasty waffles. We had a chance to catch up with PPK star Isa Chandra Moskowitz. It shocked us all to see Isa unwrap a slice of Kraft cheese and add it to her own burrito. Isa didn’t see the big deal. She explained that the godfather of animal rights, Peter Singer, had convinced her that there’s no harm in eating “only a modicum” of egg or dairy.

    “I’m really OK with animal products, as long as they’re responsibly produced,” explained Isa, “you know – free range, organic. Obviously, the animals need to live a natural life. I’m completely opposed to factory farming.” Disturbingly, she didn’t seem to see a disconnect between this outlook and her career as a vegan cooking icon. “Of course my business and books are still vegan. It’s an important market segment, and I’ve built a strong brand. I won’t be turning my back on the vegan community.”

    Continue Reading…

  4. Vegan Cheese from Man Nipple Milk?

    Vegan Cheese from Man Nipple Milk?

    This is an April Fools post. It isn’t true.

    Tofutti’s newest vegan soy cheese is very meltable, trans fat-free, more easily digestible, and best of all, nearly indistinguishable from cheese made from bovine mammary secretions. The only issue which may be of some concern to some people: the new soy cheese formulation will contain casein from the nipple milk of men.

    According to Steve Kass, PR for Tofutti: “Casein is a milk protein that helps the soy-based cheese melt, and since vegans do not consume casein from animal’s milk and health advocates are concerned about the partially-hydrogenated plant oils that are in Tofutti cheeses, we decided to go ahead and explore the use of casein from milk produced by male lactation.”

    But why casein from male lactation instead of female lactation? Kass explains: “we are a progressive company that is concerned about the sexual politics of the commoditization of women’s breastmilk; besides just as cow’s milk is for baby cows, a woman’s milk is for her babies.” Male lactation is an evolutionary ability caused by hormonal or physical stimulus. (Watch video via Gawker.)

    Continue Reading…

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