The nerds in charge over at nerdsex mecca OK Cupid have posted 10 Charts About Sex, which includes this instant classic:
They also provide a handy list of “Vegetarian-Friendly Sex Slang,” which includes such euphemisms as “peeling the banana,” “tossing the salad,” and (my favorite) “putting Monsanto in yoursanto.”
Anyways, go read the whole thing. And lets hope they can give lots more charts and stats about the sexual proclivities of vegans and vegetarians in the future. (And I guess omnivores, too, for comparison.)
Babeland’s Jaguar Harness is now vegan, according to Shewired. No leather necessary for super good times!
The insanely timely hilarious geniuses at Vegansaurus gave us a recipe for a vegan version of KFC’s heart-clogging, rotting body parts, media darling sandwich, the Double Down. Oh my god, Rudy, get your deep fryer.
As of this week, Mondays are vegetarian days in San Francisco, the Board of Supervisors declared in a resolution Tuesday. Yaaaayyyy! Whatever it means in practice, we like the theory and hope it means more delicious veggies for all.
Since life isn’t all fried seitan and Meatless Mondays, and because you need something to show your friend who doesn’t understand that egg farming causes suffering, we give you the Humane Society of the United States’s latest undercover investigation, released Wednesday. Warning: you might puke.
In restaurant news, Souen on 13th Street will close for several months starting next week to renovate, so if you like your hippie food served in a hippie restaurant, go eat there right now, hippie.
‘sNice Soho will open NEXT WEEK so get in a sandwich-y, coffee-y mood with me!
Oh, and in other ‘sNice news! Two of their employees were stabbed last month (shocking and horrible, i know!), so ‘sNice in the West Village is having a benefit to support them on Sunday, April 11, 6-9 p.m. $10 at the door. There will be vegan pigs in a blanket! And me! I will be there!
Oxygen Network sexpert Sue Johanson has been served with a lawsuit from the American Meat Institute for what the industry group calls “unsubstantiated claims based on limited or anecdotal evidence.”
In a segment of Talk Sex with Sue Johanson called Hard to Swallow (watch video above), the octogenarian sex educator tells a caller to tell her husband to “give up meat” to help improve the taste of his semen. Johanson goes on to say, “vegetarians, vegans who only eat fruits and vegetables…their ejaculate is sweet and nut-like, whereas males who eat meat, their ejaculate tastes bitter, like burnt leather.”
Though the lovable, sex-advice dishing grandma has retired, the American Meat Institute’s public affairs manager, Tonya Allen (who ironically also serves as the “chief media contact and spokesperson for AMI’s National Hot Dog and Sausage Council”) says they are seeking an unspecified sum for punitive damages for “irreparable harm to meat’s image” and “an immediate cease and desist judgement” to end reruns of the show and the online availability of the clip.
PETA vice president Dan Mathews vows to defend Johanson. “This is the same sort of frivolous lawsuit that the meat industry has slapped on Oprah and others before to stifle free speech,” says Mathews. “We’re calling on vegan men to volunteer to take part in a blind, scientific taste test study to back up Sue Jo.”
Guys, a penis fact! Vegan Porn compared Condomania’s recently published penis size rankings to the population of vegans in U.S. cities, and GUESS WHAT THEY FOUND?*Vegan men have bigger cucumbers! THIS IS A TOTALLY ACCURATE, MATHEMATICAL, BIOLOGICALLY POSSIBLE CORRELATION SO STOP TELLING ME IT ISN’T TRUE/NOT REALLY WHAT THEY FOUND. Men: go vegan and your penis will grow. (Could it hurt? No. So DO IT.**) And I mean, who wouldn’t rather take it from a vegan, AM I RIGHT, LADIES?
Also in the long, enormous (can’t help myself) category of Environmental Consciousness Is Good for the Earth and My Sex Life and Your Bank Account and Kitties: Y’know how Nadya Suleman (God I hate to say it but you won’t know who I’m talking about unless I say it so I’m going to say it), Octomom, hasn’t paid for her house and faces a foreclosure lawsuit? And how EVERYONE and their DOG is offering her, uh, unconventional opportunities to earn some cash? Well! Thursday she accepted one such offer from PETA, who basically said, “Put this sign on your lawn and we’ll give you $5,000 and a month’s supply of veggie burgers and hot dogs. WIN-WIN!”
Now this woman is literally a postergirl for NOT reproducing. I just love when the figurative becomes the literal.
*OK, so really they said they couldn’t find a trend, but then realized most vegans are women, so: inconclusive project. But MAYBE!
**It’s not about the size of the tofu, but what you bake with it. NOW GO BAKE ME SOME SWEET, SWEET LOVIN.