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As of October, 2013, SuperVegan is no longer under active development.
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Category Archive: Sex

Here are all the SuperVegan blog posts categorized under Sex. XML

  1. SuperVegan’s Wet Hot Sticky Sex Poll

    Filed under: Food Media Sex
    Prince, the patron saint of vegan sex.

    Prince, the patron saint of vegan sex.

    They say people don’t care about science, but the new scientist-coined term “vegansexual” is suddenly everywhere. Our own Patrick Kwan was recently interviewed on the subject in the New York Daily News (they renamed him Paul, but that’s our boy).

    So, are you a vegansexual? Or are you veggiesexual, willing to snog a mere vegetarian? Are you like me, and can’t afford to be that picky? Are you an asexual friend of animals like Morrissey? Or are you a carnisexual like these revolting steak hags profiled in the New York Times? Vote in our poll, and tell us all the dirty details in the comments! (If you can’t see the poll below, click here to vote.)

  2. “I’m a friend of Dipsy. I’m a vegansexual.”

    Dear Mom & Dad,

    You may have suspected this all along.

    The doll of Dipsy from the Teletubbies in my room…the “All This and Vegan Too” sticker on my backpack…that “carrot” shirt. And of course, that craigslist ad you saw on my computer looking for vegan “roommates.”

    The truth is there’s no one I’d like to make tofu scramble more with in the mornings than with another vegan. I’m a friend of Dipsy. I’m a vegansexual.

    Dad, I know you must be asking “have you ever tried not being a vegansexual?” Yes, ever since I was just a vegetarian, I’ve been with animal-munchers. I refuse to live a lie anymore. Though vegans do taste better, it’s really not just about sex, dad. Really, there’s something awfully sexy about compassion – nothing tickles my g-sprout more than seeing someone rescue an animal, protest cruelty, or filling their shopping baskets with seitan, soymilk, tofu, and veggies.

    Mom, I know this must be hard for you – as it is for me. But please understand that it disgusts me when I see someone eating eggs. They are menstrual cycle by-products, mom. Eating them is like licking your pads. And please don’t get me started on mammary secretions.

    Think of it this way, instead of having just one vegan child, you will have two! Two vegans to enjoy cooking veggies and eating out at veggie restaurants with you, mom!

    I know this will take some time and you may have a hard time explaining to everyone that you have a vegansexual child. But I know you must be so happy for me that I am proud and have finally came out of the pantry.

    Love & Tofu,

    Your Vegansexual Son

  3. The Dutch will do all sorts of things to sheep.

    The Dutch will do all sorts of things to sheep.

    The New Zealand Centre for Human-Animal Studies has released “Cruelty-Free Consumption in New Zealand: A National Report on the Perspectives and Experiences of Vegetarians & Other Ethical Consumers” (108 page PDF). It profiles 157 people (I know, but that’s probably a big percentage of the population down there) on how and why they live animal-friendly lives. Stuff has a report on the sex-related findings and the coinage of the word “vegansexual” for people who will only fuck other vegans.

    Did you notice how I avoided making any sheep jokes in the New Zealand story? Here’s why: In more disturbing sex news, a man who raped a sheep in the Netherlands had his case thrown out of court, as the sheep was unable to testify that she “didn’t want to have sex and had suffered emotional stress.” Bestiality is only a crime there unless it can be proven that the animal didn’t want to have sex. It sounds like the Partij voor de Dieren has some work to do!

  4. Crown Heights: $650/month room in this apt with a vegan student.

    Crown Heights: $650/month room in this apt with a vegan student.

    Well, SuperVegan’s very own forum isn’t very juicy (anyone care to change this?), so I had to drop by the NYC craigslist ads for some fun.

  5. It’s a widely held belief that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. As we vegans conscientiously muddle our way through National Masturbation Month, it seems worth investigating if there’s any truth to this maxim.

    The most complete study to date uses fairly conservative metrics and measures the deaths of American kittens (any gender, up to one year old) agaist the masturbation habits of American human males. Doing the math, it’s determined that there are well over 5000 acts of masturbation for each kitten death:

    “The average American man can masturbate regularly for 22.5 years before he is responsible for the death of a single kitten. Indeed, with a life expectancy of less than 75 years, the average man will be responsible for only two or three kitten deaths in a lifetime of vigorous masturbation.”

    So have fun at your Masturbate-a-thons, but do spare a thought for the kittens. (All these links are work-safe, believe it or not.)

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