I’M GONNA RIDE THIS BITCH TILL I DIE, Sonic said.

• A squirrel has been banned from riding a roller coaster at Alton Towers theme park in Staffordshire, England. How the hell will they enforce that? The Telegraph reports, “Alarms were installed that emit a warning noise inaudible to human ears but designed to ensure the squirrel, nicknamed Sonic, avoids the ride in future.”
• Park Slope Food Coop has blocks of Daiya for sale! RUN DON’T WALK.
• Vaute Couture unveiled their (beautiful, gorgeous, so soft i’m going to wear one as pajamas now buy me one puh-leeeaase) 2010 vegan coat collection for ladies AND gents at The Green Shows this week. Check this shit out. It’s fucking fantastic. The Discerning Brute has the men’s photos and GirlieGirl Army rounds up the ladies’ wear from Vaute, Cri de Coeur, Samantha Pleet, and others. Ow ow!
• Vegan creme eggs I cannot see because this puritanical work filter blocks porn, even food porn. They totally know what I get off on, ugh!
• Pssst! Speaking of Vaute Couture, ladies can still get the ’09 styles — for 30% off, bringing prices down from insane to unaffordable. SAD CAUSE I WANT ONE.
• The New York Times has a crush on Angelica Kitchen’s vegan brittle and everyone is talking about Amy Hamberry’s vegan kale chips. Have you eaten them? Are they worth all this hubbub?

Rinella and protected sparrow–I’m sure he’s careful to make the distinction before beheading them.

Steven Rinella creeps me out. And it’s not just that he’s holding a captured sparrow in this photo from his New York Times Wednesday profile (ahem, a protected song sparrow that the Times swear was released just after). The piece is a disturbingly detailed account of a 45-course meal of “wild game” Rinella hunted, trapped, cooked and served in Brooklyn. Rinella, the author of The Scavenger’s Guide to Haute Cuisine, seems to be less an adopter of slaughter chic or even “Kill It, Cook It, Eat It” than a man with some serious power and masculinity issues that he works out by illegally trapping squirrels in his girlfriend’s Fort Greene backyard.

One guest likened the meal to “a dead zoo.” It’s unclear whether she was referring to the spread of dead animals or the media-hungry audience of aging literati, from Bill Buford to Jay McInerney. But the biggest disappointment of the piece is Rob Weisbach, president and chief executive of Miramax Books, Rinella’s publisher, and a vegetarian for 20 years–until this dinner.

Gothamist reports on Black Squirrels who have moved on up from the tough streets of the Bronx to Boerum Hill Brooklyn. They also link to a slightly disturbing tale of a Black Russian squirrel mob gutting a stray dog then running off with chunks of its flesh. (This sounds like racial profiling to me.)

Scotsman.com reports that in Scotland Grey squirrels (who hail from America) might soon be dosed with contraceptives. This will be done in an effort to reduce the number of the foreigner squirrels who are multiplying like crazy and threatening the livelihood of the native born Red Squirrel, in addition to taking all their jobs.

Nut quality-control at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory

The NYC-based chocolatier, vere, opens the doors of its factory to the public this week from Wednesday, December 13 through Friday, December 15. Though I’m personally not a huge fan of their confections, I think checking out their digs and partying with Oompa Loompas and squirrels would be superfun.

As a bonus, all chocolates will be sold at a 20 percent discount during visiting hours. The stylishly packaged low sugar vegan chocolates just might be a hit with the more die hard health nuts on your holiday shopping list. And since it’s fair trade and organic you don’t have to feel totally guilty about buying into the Right Wing Conservative Christian agenda to commercialize Christmas–which is so last year.

The vere factory is located at 12 West 27th Street (at Broadway) on the 6th floor. Visiting hours are between 10am and 6pm.

Squirrel: 1, Arsenal and Villarreal: 0

One particularly sporty London squirrel made his way all the way to the Champions League soccer semi-finals first leg game between Arsenal and Villarreal. According to The Courier-Mail News, a grey-squirrel jumped out of the stands and hopped about the field for 15 minutes (avoiding players’ attempts to tackle him). The critter then leaped, unfettered, into his crowd of cheering fans.

This cool squirrel’s drunken frat-boy antics won him a spot on today’s BBC News photo slideshow (see number 3). If you look closely, you’ll notice that the grey squirrel is holding a banner that reads: “Eff you, Lord Inglewood!”.

Does Squirrel Nutkin really want you to eat his cousins?

Vegan Porn tipped us off to the latest squirrel news. It seems that the red squirrel population in the UK is now at an all time low of 160,000. In contrast, the population of the imported American grey squirrel is 2 million. Lord Inglewood is now encouraging people to eat the foreign greys in the hopes of saving native reds. Though Lord Inglewood admits that he’s never actually eaten a squirrel, he’s willing to develop a palate for the cute critters in the name of patriotic alliance with Beatrix Potter’s Nutkin and friends, stating:

“Don’t let’s forget that a number of things we eat as a matter of course are entirely loveable creatures and they appeal to the wider world. What’s the difference?

“More importantly it’s not only me that’s going to feel let down. It’s going to be the red squirrels too.”

“Unless something radical and imaginative is done Squirrel Nutkin and his friends are going to be toast.”

Lord Inglewod hopes the grey squirrel will be added to the House of Commons menu and that Jamie Oliver will help him promote them as a lunch food for schoolchildren.

Friends of squirrels in Santa Monica have reason to celebrate. City officials have just launched the first program in the country to humanely control squirrel population. Officials are partnering with local group, Animal Advocates, to educate Palisades Park visitors to not feed the squirrels, as this causes the population to grow beyond its natural numbers. In addition, the group will sterilize the rodents with immunocontraceptives. This is a welcome alternative to poisoning and killing these likeable critters, a tactic employed by many other cities to “control” squirrel populations.

Here are some cool tips from PETA on living in harmony with squirrels.

This bionic squirrel used to roll with dinosaurs

Scientists have discovered rat-squirrels in central Laos. The skinny, rat-faced, bushy-tailed rodent species was believed to have been extinct for 11 million years, but researchers have recently found the animals for sale at local meat markets and murdered by hunters. Conservation efforts for the squirrels and their habitat should follow. Read the full story here.

In other squirrel news, here’s a feel good story about a Michigan man looking out for non-endangered squirrels, who also deserve our respect and protection.