Mom...Dad...I'm a Vegansexual
August 6, 2007 11:25pm
"I'm a friend of Dipsy. I'm a vegansexual."
You may have suspected this all along.
The doll of Dipsy from the Teletubbies in my room...the "All This and Vegan Too" sticker on my backpack...that "carrot" shirt. And of course, that craigslist ad you saw on my computer looking for vegan "roommates."
The truth is there's no one I'd like to make tofu scramble more with in the mornings than with another vegan. I'm a friend of Dipsy. I'm a vegansexual.
Dad, I know you must be asking "have you ever tried not being a vegansexual?" Yes, ever since I was just a vegetarian, I've been with animal-munchers. I refuse to live a lie anymore. Though vegans do taste better, it's really not just about sex, dad. Really, there's something awfully sexy about compassion - nothing tickles my g-sprout more than seeing someone rescue an animal, protest cruelty, or filling their shopping baskets with seitan, soymilk, tofu, and veggies.
Mom, I know this must be hard for you - as it is for me. But please understand that it disgusts me when I see someone eating eggs. They are menstrual cycle by-products, mom. Eating them is like licking your pads. And please don't get me started on mammary secretions.
Think of it this way, instead of having just one vegan child, you will have two! Two vegans to enjoy cooking veggies and eating out at veggie restaurants with you, mom!
I know this will take some time and you may have a hard time explaining to everyone that you have a vegansexual child. But I know you must be so happy for me that I am proud and have finally came out of the pantry.
Love & Tofu,
Your Vegansexual Son
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Comment by Jason Das [www] on August 6, 2007 11:36pm:
Comment by Beatyourheartout on August 12, 2007 10:42am:
Comment by Qikalou on December 21, 2007 11:21pm:
This was actually very funny. I laughed so hard.
Very clever.
Comment by Janee on October 31, 2008 5:13pm:
I too am vegansexual. I didn’t choose to be one. -It just kind of happened to me when I changed my diet, and then broke up with my Boyfriend. The guy I dated at the time was a vegetarian too. Once that relationship ended, I couldn’t stomach kissing a meat eater. As a result, I have been alone for 2 years. I just started a blog about my non-sexual life. Hey, I can be reached at urbanvegansexual@blogspot.com - The name of my blog is Urban Vegansexual - check it out!
Comment by VeganKate on September 19, 2009 11:06pm: