Our taste in music is far superior than yours
Ranking stuff always puts people on the defensive; it causes an instant white-knuckle reaction to whatever you’re ranking because people are often invested in that which you are dissecting and putting up for grading. I’m not usually shaken, but this morning was different.
I just saw PETA’s list of Most Veg-Friendly Cities and I cried. I cried and then I vomited in my mouth a little. Not because of the list mind you, but because I have acid reflux.
I cried because New York City is ranked 9th on a list of 10. That means that we’re almost the last kid to be picked for the team; we’re basically getting that piece of the cake that doesn’t have a decorative flower on it.
I suppose the 52 Vegan and 92 Vegetarian options in this city mean little; perhaps now they’ll all close their doors and shutter their windows and leave us forever. A distant memory, like that time Ken pantsed Dominique at recess and all the girls laughed because he had a birthmark on his butt.
But. Like. Whatever. I’m making my own list and I’m putting New York City number one because, we’re more “veg-friendly” than you on any day of the week Albuquerque, New Mexico. And, like, vegans in New York City know how to do cool dances like the Roger Rabbit and the Running Man.
Besides, it’s easy to create a ranked list of things without revealing the criteria or method at which the list was compiled. It’s best to just, like, say we’re the best and you suck and that we’re more vegan than you because the sky is blue and you can’t dance, so there.
I made this money, you didn’t, right Ted?