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Recipe Tuesday: Too Cool For Mall Pretzels

Filed under: Food Recipes & Cooking

Do you smell that? Probably not, you’re sitting at a computer. You’re either bored at work or staying up for no viable reason – really, dude, it’s probably time to go to bed, besides, it’s late.

I, on the other hand am sitting down to a fresh baked pretzel; one I made. It’s the kind you’d get at a mall if “the mall” weren’t so beneath you (and the ones they sold at the mall were actually vegan).

I like making stuff from scratch. It gives me a hollow sense of accomplishment (otherwise crying myself to sleep at night would seem worse than it actually is).

But, whatever, pretzels are good, and you love them. Here’s a recipe to make while you walk around with your nose in the air.

Too Cool For Mall Pretzels

1 1/4 Cup Warm Water
(heaping)1/2 tsp of active dry yeast
1 TBS Brown Sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 Cups Unbleached All Purpose Flour

2 Cups Warm Water
2 TBS Baking Soda

2 TBS Soy Butter Melted
Coarse Salt

Lightly mix your Warm Water and yeast. Add Brown sugar and salt. Lightly stir to combine. (if it doesn’t get all foamy; something is not working).

Add your flour and knead the dough until it’s fully incorporated, smooth and elastic.

Let rise for 45 minutes at room temperature.

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

After it’s risen. Mix your warm water and baking soda in a large (or longer shallow) bowl.

Pinch off some dough and roll it into a long rope. Make a pretzel shape. Dip the dough into baking soda bath (drip dry) and place on greased baking sheet.

Allow the pretzels to rise for 15 minutes at room temperature. Bake a 450 degrees for 10 minutes until golden brown. Brush with melted soy butter, sprinkle with salt and then, eat dude!


  1. Comment by


    on #

    Quick sidebar: I formed the dough into pentagrams and took them to Anton Lavey’s birthday party. They were a big hit. They go good with a steaming hot cup of black metal (with soy creamer of course!).

  2. Comment by


    on #

    My understanding was that a lot of pretzels at malls (aunt annie’s, pretzel wagon, etc.) are vegan if you ask for no butter? I do hope I am not wrong in this case: I adore pretzels to death and will enter an otherwise foreboding mall for one!

  3. Comment by


    on #

    Aunt Annie’s is the only confirmed “vegan without butter” one. (Aunt Annie’s was nice enough to call me back when I left them a message about ingredients). The others I’m not sure about. My real Aunt Annie never did sh*t for me. (Except beat me with a tree branch as a kid)

  4. Comment by


    on #

    it is late, and thank you for the prompting, i am going to bed but i will dream of this recipe and can’t wait to try it out soon. Thanks!

  5. Comment by


    on #

    Goodness, I don’t know what I did wrong with these…they tasted okay. But, the dough was very soupy. I had to skip the dipping them in water+baking soda part because they immediately disintegrated in there. So I tried brushing them with the mixture instead. They flattened out A LOT though, to about 1/4″ thick into one big sheet (and forget about trying to mold them into any sort of shape). I might try this again with a lot less water. Maybe the humidity in the rainforest here messed up my dough?

  6. Comment by


    on #

    Thanks for the recipe. We tried it out and posted your recipe on our blog. They turned out great! So yummy. Need more practice though on the making them pretty. Thanks again!

  7. Comment by


    on #

    practice forming the pretzels with a short length of thin rope. that’s how i learned at (name of establishment withheld) in the mall ;)