This is usually where some snazzy succinct intro goes. Something to really get the reader y’know? Let them know. Hey! This is a review you wanna read. And, put it in italics. Got it?
Hey! Rudy! What Will You Be Reviewing This Week?
Wayfare Foods’ “We Can’t Say Its Cheese”.
Oh Yeah? What’s That?
It’s a tub’o fake oat-based cheeze. The packaging totally rips off Toffuti Cream Cheese. The name is kinda lame too.
Well, is it good?
Yes and No. It kinda’ reminds me of Lil Wayne’s music. At first you’re like “is that an alien? Why would anybody listen to this garbage?”. And, then seconds letter you go in for another scoop. Maybe more Yes than No though. So. Yeah. I guess.
What are the flavors?
Mex-Cheddar Style: It’s a little powdery and over-spiced but not in a good way. This is my least favorite of the four.
Cheddar Spread: It has a pleasant flavor with a subtle cheezy undertone. Pretty good dude; it’s got a nice “spread” to it.
Hickory Smoke: This does have a nice smoky flavor but the “bacony” aspect can be off-putting if you eat too much of it.
Cheddar Dip: Kinda like the Cheddar spread but softer.
What does it go best with?
Low Salt Crackers, because all of the flavors are guilty of crimes against salt; they’re all pretty salty – you’ll meet your daily requirement of salt in no time flat. (Did I mention that they’re salty?) Flavor-wise it’s not strong enough to stand on it’s own; you can’t really eat it right out tub and it doesn’t go good on just anything. (It’s not like Veganaise, where you can put it on an old shoe and it would taste good, y’know?)
Instead of a grade: What 80’s movie is it most like?
Weekend At Bernie’s. You wouldn’t shun it if it was on TV (ya might even “Netflix it”) but you’d probably wouldn’t go to Film Forum to catch a retrospective.
Anything else you’d like to add?
Can I go home now?