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Things I’d Rather Have Happen To NYC Than Lula’s Closing!

Did you hear about the predicament Lula and her sweet apothecary have gotten into? It is MOST unfortunate. I don’t even live in New York anymore and my heart is dragging on the floor. If I was still in NYC, I’d seriously consider buying out the rest of their stock, renting a walk-in freezer somewhere and rationing it out by the spoonful. But seeing as I live in LA now and visit NY,  here’s a list of things I’d rather have happen to NYC instead of Lula’s closing:

charity chugger

Why yes, I WILL stop, thanks.

  • Every time I need a taxi, it started raining five minutes ago.
  • All the ATMs become Gaps again.
  • Every day is trash day.
  • Every street is like Broadway in Soho during the holidays.
  • Every other street is like Canal Street.
  • The 2nd Avenue subway line takes another 100 years to build.
  • For every one cockroach or mouse or rat I see, I see the other hundred I don’t.
  • I have to talk to every single person who approaches me with a branded windbreaker and a clipboard  (the British call them”Chuggers”– charity muggers) asking me if I “have a minute” or “like comedy.”
  • Every time I try to walk through Union Square there’s a farmer’s market AND a holiday mart AND a protest of something AND a drum circle.
  • Sleep below tap dancers and above a food-serving establishment whose smell permeates everything.
  • Every street I try to cross has a giant lake of still water surrounding it that is too big to jump across.
  • Get caught in the middle of a West Side Story like gang war between the hipsters of Williamsburg and the hipsters of Park Slope set to math rock beats.
  • Be forced to shop at Whole Foods during peak hours only. Ditto Trader Joe’s.
  • Every time I reach the subway platform I realize I have JUST missed the train.
  • Your turn! What would you rather have happen than have a Lula-less city? Leave a comment.

So please go support Lula’s for me, while you still can!

4 Comments

  1. Comment by

    Abby Bean

    on #

    Well-played!

  2. Comment by

    Deborah Diamant

    on #

    I’d rather Bloomberg get a 4th term than lose Lula’s.

  3. Comment by

    Andrea Wachner

    on #

    ugh, Deb! ‘Lose Lula’s’ sounds so much better than the way I wrote it! Why didn’t I think of that?!

  4. Comment by

    Suzie Q

    on #

    I’d rather smartphone-addicted zombies (aka 99.99% of NYC pedestrians) clog the bike paths so that cyclists are forced to ride in traffic and then get ticketed by the NYPD for not using the bike lane. Oh wait, that’s already happening.

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