In last Saturday’s Daily Mail, journalist Tom Rawstorne wrote of his sickening experience dipping a toe into the bloody pool of slaughter chic. His story is a part of the BBC series “Kill It, Cook It, Eat It” which shows animals being slaughtered in “an attempt to question modern Britain’s relationship with the food we eat–to reconnect people with the animals that fill the shrink-wrapped packets of meat they buy in the supermarket.”

Rawstorne details the journey from choosing his lamb (who he named “Faw-Faw”), watching him being killed, and then finding himself (nearly) unable to eat the spoils, his stomach wretching. Maybe this has put Rawstorne on a more humane path–or perhaps he’ll prefer to remain ignorant of where his lunch comes from next time.

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