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Translating the Anti-Vegan T-Shirt

Filed under: Apparel Stupid

I can appreciate satire. Even biting politically-incorrect sarcasm has its place in any dialogue; but these are just sad. Seriously, who wears these things?


Figure A: I kill one cow for every vegan who slights me
Translation: I don’t have anger issues. I’m just edgy dude.

Figure B: The only thing vegans are good for is techno
Translation: I have a tendency to blurt out things that no one gets or finds funny.

Figure C: Vegans can eat my ass
Translation: I have a tendency to hi-five while wearing my hat backwards.

Figure D: Carnivores on Tilt. Herbivores on Wilt.
Translation: I love to use irrelevant uber-hip language like “that’s so Avatar!”

This is just a smattering of what’s out there. As it stands, most anti-vegan shirts are poorly conceived, insecurity-filled ill-witticisms of little to no value. They don’t convey a deep-rooted message or attempt to question a long-held institution – they aren’t even funny. Frankly, they serve no real purpose and probably never will because they are championing the status quo.

Maybe it is just a shirt and it doesn’t require deep thought. But as with any shirt, regardless of the message: in the end you’re the asshole wearing it.


  1. Comment by

    Jason Das

    on #

    I have a “Vegans Taste Like Chicken” shirt (received as a gift). I kinda love how it can be read as pro-vegan or anti-vegan depending how the reader wants to take it.

  2. Comment by


    on #

    I hate these less than “bacon tastes good” and their ilk. At least someone might say to them ‘what’s a vegan?’ and then they have to explain or look stupid for wearing a t-shirt that they don’t understand. Still, these people are tools.

  3. Comment by


    on #

    I think it says something that most if not all of those shirts look like Cafe Press, user-created sorts of things and not really mass-marketed stuff.

    I’d like to see “What Your Pro-Vegan Shirt Says About You” too…

  4. Comment by


    on #

    someone should make one that says carnivore? keep being awesome!

  5. Comment by


    on #

    what idiots!on top of being stupid enough to eat meat, proclaim it to the world that you hate those that are smarter & kinder!

  6. Comment by


    on #

    what sriram says!! ^^

    Some of us are mature enough to not wear clothes who’s purpose is just referring to people we don’t like. That is always lame.

  7. Comment by

    The Vegan

    on #

    My all time favorite vegan shirt is:

    No, I don’t eat meat.
    Yes, I get enough protein.
    No, my shoes aren’t leather.
    Yes, I have a life.

  8. Comment by

    al oof

    on #

    it’s so disappointing how unfunny these are. i’m sure there are meateaters with better senses of humor, but i guess they aren’t offended by vegans enough to make shirts.

  9. Comment by

    Blank T Shirt

    on #

    I think this is not too serious when it is not vulgar. For example the one with Vegans can eat my ass is kind of stupid in my opinion.

  10. Comment by

    Big Daddy T

    on #

    Where to begin. Let us start with the obvious:

    I thought it was interesting that the author of this piece left out two of my favorite shirts. The first states: “Vegan? Shut up.” Simple and to the point. The other is slightly more compassionate: “Vegan? If I admit you are more evolved, will you shut up about it?” I don’t proselytize that you should eat meat, don’t proselytize about my lifestyle choices. Funny how the author left those out.

    As it stands, many of us who have delved into the issue from the meat eater side have found there to be two types: Vegans, who are willing to have an open, frank and earnest exchange of ideas and views (which really sounds like most of those commenting here); And Vegangelicals who do not wish to have anything said that would detract from their agenda. (not sure which one the author of this post is.) It is my personal experience that most “vegans” fall into the latter category. Vegangelicals then paints the entire vegan way of eating as “a poorly conceived, insecurity-filled ill-witticism of little to no value.”

    This subject takes on intensity levels that border on religious fervor, and it is highly unlikely that anyone on one side is going to say something that will ‘convert’ someone from the other side. (given the supposition that both parties are well informed and can think for themselves. There are suckers and stupid people in both camps.) So, since nothing one side can say will convert the other side, as a meat eater, my request is: Shut up about it; at least while I finish my porterhouse.

    Championing the status quo. *sigh* The 10,000 years of agriculture compared to the 65 million years of human evolution suggests that we as a species would have become extinct should we not have consumed animal products in some fashion. [not an argument] If, now, at the height of our evolution, you choose to remove those items from your diet, so be it. But please leave me alone about it. Meat is the most nutritionally dense food I can eat. I will continue to do so. Rest assured people, the status IS quo, and it is delicious. Any world in which I live where I cannot have bacon is a world in which I do not want to live!

    I don’t get in people’s face about how they eat; I have had Vegangelicals get in mine. I don’t denigrate people for the moral, ethical or global implications of what they put in their mouths; I have had Vegangelicals denigrate mine. I am not on your eating plan, so I do not spout off about what you eat. But please remember: I eat the flesh of mammals, so YOU ARE ON -MY- eating plan; please don’t get in my face.

    Vegangelicals have been more than willing to be assholes about how I eat. So I am more than willing to wear a shirt like the ones I’ve outlined above; in the end I’m the asshole wearing it!

    Please feel free to reply is you would like to have an intelligent conversation that revolves around the frank and earnest exchange of ideas on a difference of opinions.

    Thank you,

    Big Daddy T.