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Travis Barker Touts Health Benefits of Juiced Puppies

Travis Barker

Travis Barker: “Puppy juice has changed my life.”

This is an April Fools post. It isn’t true.

Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker appeared on last night’s Chelsea Lately to tout the benefits of his latest fad diet: freshly squeezed raw puppy juice.

Barker, a former vegetarian poster boy, ate meat for the first time in 16 years to speed the healing of a broken arm. He then gave up his vegetarian diet entirely after he was injured in a plane crash. Barker explained that his latest diet was inspired by the advice of his Los Angeles physician.

Puppy juice first made the news last month when former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin touted its age-defying powers on Oprah. According to Travis Barker, “Puppy juice is great for the skin. It gives my tattoos an awesome sheen, and it’s totally worth the incontinence. Plus I haven’t had a single herpes flare-up since I began using it.”

Asked for his opinion, New York Times food expert Mark Bittman pointed out the environmental benefits of eating an overpopulated species, but added, “Puppies are cute. Why can’t he just eat veal like everyone else?

“It’s cruel and barbaric to kill an innocent young puppy just for its miraculous healing powers,” added celebrity chef Isa Chandra Moskowitz. “I’d only juice a puppy if I found one already dead, like on the street or something.”

However, vegan expert Kathy Freston explained, “He only juices puppies that would be euthanized anyway. And if his doctors say it’s necessary, well, who are we to judge?”

11 Comments

  1. Comment by

    CheWarrior94

    on #

    how typical of you spoiled nyc vegans that this article doesn’t even mention the economic unfairness of this ‘miracle cure.’ in this economy, who can afford the kind of high powered industrial juicer necessary for making puppy juice?

  2. Comment by

    sriram

    on #

    “pointed out the environmental benefits of eating an overpopulated species” – finally someones makes the green case for cannibalism(on nyt)!

  3. Comment by

    ariela

    on #

    haha this has to be an april fools joke!

  4. Comment by

    Adela

    on #

    On reading the title here I thought it was a joke of the worst taste ever…but if it is true, then this is the culmination of a sadistic and ugly era in the USA.

    Many people call themselves “vegetarians” (and even “vegans”) without knowing the meaning of these important words, and beause they think it’s the “in” thing to do. This man Travis Barker evidently is one of those people. Too bad that other brainless and heartless jerks will imitate this macabre act.

    Having said that, I do hope it IS, as Ariela commented, just a bad taste April’s Foo1 joke. Adela

  5. Comment by

    tina

    on #

    Interesting sidenote: in Canada it’s only legal to juice puppies if you beat them to death with a hammer first.

  6. Comment by

    Vegetarian Star

    on #

    Funny. However, thought you might like to know the all vegetarian band Rise Against is fronting a new campaign for an impotency drug.

    Vegetarian Star

  7. Comment by

    fairyhobbit

    on #

    april fools day, you guys.

  8. Comment by

    BlueRose

    on #

    *starts singing “Dead puppies…aren’t much fun!”*

    Great April Fool’s Day joke! WTG Supervegan, I love you guys! :D Thank you for having the ability to both be super vegan and have a super sense of humor.

  9. Comment by

    sriram

    on #

    glad to see it wasnt just the fob falling for it – great piece!

  10. Comment by

    gigi

    on #

    Unless people actually read these comments and that it is a “joke”, it should be taken down IMMEDIATELY. There is NOTHING funny or amusing about it; it is hurtful, tasteless, and disgusting. There are ignorant people out there that will actually BELIEVE this crap article and go out and kill puppies. Please, remove this article immediately before ONE puppy too many get murdered, especially if they idolize Travis Barker and take him seriously. It is necessary and appropriate in the name of all animals. The article might be read by people, thinking that even if the puppy story is a joke, that it is still OKAY to murder and eat other innocent animals. It is not. The article is offensive. Thank you. Please remove this sordid excuse of a joke.

  11. Comment by

    genitalherpespictures

    on #

    “Puppy juice is great for the skin. It gives my tattoos an awesome sheen, and it’s totally worth the incontinence. Plus I haven’t had a single herpes flare-up since I began using it.”—haha, it is a big joke

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