Total Cholesterol at 128 = Awesome!
I’m fresh out of my doc’s office with a steaming copy of my health report. My doc had this to say:
Your cholesterol levels are amazing. Wow, it’s impressive. Just great! Everything’s great! Wow!
Now, I should mention that she repeated the “Your cholesterol levels are amazing, wow” part about 3 times.
The Mayo Clinic says it is “desirable” for total cholesterol levels to be below 200 mg/dL – mine is 128; LDL (bad) cholesterol levels are “optimal” when under 70 mg/dL – I scored 59; HDL (good) cholesterol levels are “best” at 60 – I scored exactly 60; and triglycerides are “desirable” when under 150 mg/dL, mine is 43.
How come they don’t have “awesome” as a category? I’d totally rawk that! These numbers show that I have a super duper low risk of heart disease – all thanks to all the yummy vegan goodies I eat that no one had to suffer for!!
I propose that folks with total cholesterol levels of less than 160 mg/dL should be granted a “You’re Like Vegan Awesome” honor and anything more than that should be categorized as “Isn’t It Time You Go Vegan?” and the folks should be given this handy heart disease and cholesterol fact sheet from PCRM.
Now, how do I go about campaigning for that?